Hydra Creatures Invade Ashland Oregon: Greek Mythology to the Rescue!

Toni Buckley Dockter – Founder; Publisher; Editor-in-Chief; Distribution Manager;

Intrepid Reporter; IT Guy; Coffee Girl

email: fwepub@aol.com

www.fuchsiawoman.com/blog

MOTTO: When telling the truth is a revolutionary act. 

All editorial     All social commentary    All for the common good

 Issue Number 41  –  October 8, 2020

********************

 

Dear Ashlanders:

Do you know what’s contributing to the toxic air in Ashland? It’s not the wildfire smoke. It’s not the Covid virus.

Look no further than City Hall. It is the noxious eruptions from its oldy-n-moldy inhabitants. They’ve been called BuBus (Bumbling Bureaucrats) and Graham Crackers. But lately these conditions have worsened. These folks now resemble the varmints portrayed in frightening stories of yesteryear.

This new predicament has the ability to contaminate an entire town. How did it happen?

Let’s go back in time…thousands of years…to the birth of the western world: Ancient Greece. Athenian Greeks invented democracy–demos meaning ‘people’ and kratos meaning ‘rule.’

[Interesting fact: Greek democracy did not include gender equality. Women were completely left out of this concept. But that’s another Gazette article entirely.]

Ancient Greeks also invented* philosophy, architecture, science, mathematics, and art. Of special importance, they invented drama and literature–in the form of stories and plays.

They loved their folklore–epic tales about Gods and Goddesses that explained everything from the earth’s creation to a male-dominated society to questionable parenting methods (like swallowing your newborn children so they never usurp you). These myths are full of violence, benevolence, immortality, monsters, and supernatural feats. Today they are not rational explanations for the human condition–but instead metaphors for humankind in all its glory and ignominy.

You can apply Greek mythology to Ashland, Oregon. A good example is the story of Heracles (Roman name = Hercules), son of Zeus, the #1 God and King of Mt. Olympus. Zeus came to power by killing his father, Kronos, who came to power by castrating and killing his father Ouranos.

It is always about power with the white guys.

Remember Hera from a previous Outlandia Gazette article? She is as fiery a woman as it gets.

 

 

She is Queen of Mt. Olympus, as well as the Goddess of women; family; childbirth; and marriage. She is the wife of Zeus–and also his sister. A lot of that going on in Greek mythology. (That subject will not appear in a future Gazette article.)

 

 

Turns out Zeus was not an ideal husband. Not even close. The original seducer/trickster/serial adulterer. A source of rage for Hera. You do not want to make her mad. Her revenge on Zeus’ lady friends and their offspring is legendary.

So that brings us back to Heracles–as mentioned, son of Zeus. His mother was the lovely, married, mortal Alcmene. Hera’s vengeful response was twofold. First, she sent two giant serpents to strangle the infant Heracles in his cradle. But Heracles–as a demi-god–already possessed superhuman strength. With his baby hands he strangled the serpents instead.

Then Hera drove Heracles insane and under this spell he killed his wife and two children. Back to sanity Heracles desperately wanted to redeem himself.

His mission of atonement required him to perform “twelve labors” tromping all around the world and including the underworld–all extremely difficult–needing a herculean effort to achieve. Hera devised these punishments. The ‘impossible for mortal men’ tasks fell into various categories like slaying, capturing, or stealing–such as killing the Nemean Lion.

 

 

One humongous labor–that can sum up some of the stinky labors we have all had to perform sooner or later in life–was to clean out the shit in a stable (metaphorically for us; literally for Heracles). The Augean Stable was huge in size with huge numbers of livestock–possibly all with digestive problems. The humiliating task had to performed in one day–which Heracles accomplished.

The most interesting labor for us at the Gazette is the task to slay the Hydra. This is a similar situation to what is going on in Ashland Oregon City Hall politics today.

Hydras are horrifying creatures with one slithering body and several heads. They come from beneath the earth and live in a swamp.

They exhale poisonous fumes. They exude treachery. They extinguish goodness.

Hydras scare the crap out of regular peeps because they are impossible to kill. You whack off one head–two more grow back in its place. Like a corrupt political body, you get rid of one Graham Cracker sleazey politician and more pop up in its place. Sound familiar, Ashlanders?

The scariest part about Hydras is that the main head is immortal. Good luck getting rid of that one!

Even the strongest man in the world needed help to vanquish this foe. Heracles’ nephew provided a firebrand to cauterize the wound of a chopped-off head–thus preventing two more from growing back.

Heracles’ half sister, Athena (Goddess of Warfare), provided a golden sword that proved lethal on the main head.

 

 

Whew–what a battle!

Heracles returned in glorious victory. He received a seal of purity and thus lived on in immortality.

This myth provides the backstory to the origin of pernicious political air wafting through Ashland. To recap, here is a pictorial history of ancient Greek’s influence on modern-day Ashland.

 

 

Heracles battling the Hydra metaphorically morphs into the current situation like this:

 

 

Which has led to a nest of vipers in Ashland’s political system: Mayor, councilpeople, city hall directors and administrators, commissioners, candidates, consultants, and cronies on Next Door.

 

 

Which is in collusion with a hydra-headed conglomerate named Rosebud Media–including a particularly-biased reporter and Graham Cracker aficionado at The Tidings; Trumpian publisher Steven Saslow; and his number one henchman editor Justin Umberson.

 

 

Which creates a dragonian existence in Ashland.

 

 

To remain a viable and flourishing town, Ashland needs assistance in the form of honest politicians replacing the deadly status quo that permeates City Hall.

Anyone know Heracles? We heard he was tied up in Washington, D.C. But we can call on the spirit of forthright candidates running for office–to provide decency, transparency, and a sustainable future for all of us citizens.

Athena–also the Goddess of Wisdom—said she would happily provide support.

 

 

But she needs our help, too. Athena’s plea to us: “Please be wise. Vote for change. Not the same ol’ monstrously unhealthy situation.”

####

*Reference: Bartleby.com

*************

Late breaking news: We interrupt our regularly-scheduled batch of articles to be published to bring you an important update. Our next issue will be: Crack Team of International Detectives Solve the Malicious Mystery of the Anonymous Cowardly Postcard. We reveal the perpetrator behind the political smear job. Just like what is in the Augean Stable, it’s another Shaw Shit Production. Stay tuned…